


6+ Dumbasses

by Karma_mango



Category: Fullmetal Alchemist - All Media Types, Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood & Manga
Genre: F/F, F/M, M/M, Multi, Other, Trans Edward Elric, Trans May chang, chat fic, idk what else to put, maybe the sins crew, non-binary lan fan, olivier is a power lesbian we stan, roy and riza are like parents but best friends
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-26
Updated: 2020-05-29
Packaged: 2021-03-02 19:20:26
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,285
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24381952
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Karma_mango/pseuds/Karma_mango
Summary: Ling, Ed (Evelyn), Al, May, Winry, Lan fan, and Paninya are in a group chat! What coulD GO WROnG?
Relationships: Edward Elric/Ling Yao, Lan Fan/Paninya/Winry Rockbell, Mei Chan | May Chang/Alphonse Elric, Olivier Mira Armstrong/Riza Hawkeye, Paninya/Winry Rockbell
Comments: 3
Kudos: 36





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> hehe ed isn't out YET

Okay so I kinda just wanted to write a text fanfic cause i got nothing better to do :3, Ed is trans male, Idk what his deadname would be so i didn't put it, lan fan is non-binary too so yey.  
Ed: Missing a soul  
Ling: slip and fall  
Al: *totally not a furry*  
Winry: big gay  
Painya: bigger Gay  
Lan Fan: *naruto running*  
May: *uwu noises*

*Missing a Soul changed ling to slip and fall*

Slip and fall: wow, this happened ONCE and this is my new nickname

Missing a Soul: Yes, you will always remember your mistake >:)

*Naruto running*: Someone pls fill me in

Missing a Soul: Okay so me and ling were getting mcdonalds, he walked in and saw the be careful sign and just ran towards it like the idiot he is, he ended up slipping and falling.

*totally not a furry*: did you guys get the mcdonalds tho???

Missing a soul: yes we did do you think after seeing that I wouldnt get mcdonals???

Big Gay: WTF YOU DID ASK ME IF I WANTED ANY MCDONALDS???

Missing a soul: asked the gc you didnt relpy

Bigger gay: Sorry babe but i got mcdonalds

Big gay: awoduijawdijawdda you guys all suck

*uwu noises*: did you get my chicken nuggets

Missing a soul: yeah pretty sure al has them

*totally not a furry*: Yeah i got them may uwu

*uwu noises*: heck yeah, my fricken chicken nuggets

Big gay: May for the love of my sanity, please swear ONCE you dont gotta keep doing this-

*uwu noises*: Okay????

*uwu noises*: HELL YEAH MY FUCKING CHICKEN NUGGETS

Slip and fall: winry what the fuck did you do to my wholesome sister

Big gay: Made her one of us

Bigger gay: Winry babe, no not to the wholesome one

Big gay: one day she would have done it

Missing a soul: Winry you okay???

Big gay: yeah why wouldnt i be?

Missing a soul: you havent made one spelling mistake or grammar mistake

Bigger gay: holy shit winry babe you good

Big gay: actually nvm im not can i have some more gay

Missing a soul: will cost you 20 bucks

*totally not a furry*: I got some for 1 cent

Big gay: Al give me the gay and ill give you ghe fucking 1 cent

Missing a soul: Okay ur back thank goodness

*uwu noises*: both of u.get ur fucking asses over here because you guys didnt get me fucking honey mustard

Missing a soul: Oh shit thats what we forgot-

Slip and fall: Shit-

Big gay: rip imma get flowers

Bigger gay: oof you guys didnt get to date each other before dying

Missing a soul: UGAIWDUJIAWODHAOWDJAODWIDJAO STFU

*totally not a furry*: lmao her face is really red rn

Big gay: Rest in fucking peices al

*Totally not a furry changed Missing a soul to Gay Disater*

Gay Disater: AL WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCk-

*totally not a furry*: oh shit i messed up hold up

*totally not a furry changed Gay disaster to Bi panic*

Big gay: Is there something you need to tell us???

Bi Panic: No?? YOU GUYS KNOW IM BI LIKE WTF?????

Bigger gay: winry honey, u were the first person she told-

Slip and fall: Al can u change my nickname????

*Totally not a furry*: Yeah sure?

*totally not a furry changed slip and fall to gay panic*

Gay panic: Not what i meant but okay-

*naruto running*: Ling ur fucking gay?

Gay panic: Oh shit i havent said anything about that have i woops-

*totally not a furry*: rip

*naruto running*: you’ve had 5 girls confess to you in the span of a week is this why you rejected them???

Gay panic: yeah-

Direct messages @Gay panic and @Bi Panic

Bi Panic: Hey, should we tell them??

Gay panic: depends what you mean, tell them ur trans: up to you

Gay panic: tell them we r dating, maybe??? 

Bi panic: Okay, Ill tell them both tomorrow oki?

Gay Panic: okay! Love you!

Bi panic: Love you too dumbass

Group chat: dumbass count: 6

*naruto running*: ling u okay??? You jumped???

Bi panic: Ling???

Gay panic: something someone sent-

*totally not a furry*: OooooOo

*uwu noises*: bro what they send???

Gay panic: you dont need to know

*uwu noises*: Lan fan steal his phoneee

*naruto running*: I CANT GET IT WTf-

Gay panic: HAHHAHAH SUCSERERE

*uwu noises*: did ling?

Bi panic: he died mid sentence oof

*naruto running*: i cant get his phone, but i did yeet him :)

Big Gay: nicE

Hey author here! Idk what to put, im sorry if its bad try in the next chapters! So…  
Ed is trans, hes not out yet, Evelyn is his dead name. Hes bi :3  
Lan Fan is nonbinary, she/her and they/them, shes a lesbian tho  
Ling, he is just REALLY gay  
May is also trans, trans female, everyone thinks shes a cis female but shes actually trans  
Al, hes just bi, a spICy Bi :3  
Winry and Paniya are both les and r dating :3


	2. chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> rip bio teacher

Ed: Bi Panic  
Ling: Gay Panic  
Al: *totally not a furry*  
Winry: big gay  
Painya: bigger Gay  
Lan Fan: *naruto running*  
May: *uwu noises*

Direct messages: @Bi panic to @Gay Panic  
4:18 p.m. tuesday

Bi panic: im going to tell them today!

Gay panic: Both of the stuff or just one?

Bi panic: Well

Bi panic: why not both? Just drop two bombs and dash out of there uwu

Gay panic: that was so cursed, babe wtf

Bi panic: I know uwu, i loovveeeeee~~~~ you!!!~~~~~~~~

Gay Panic: I love you too, now stop being sappy! That my job! Now go tell them

6+ Dumbasses  
4:19 p.m. tuesday

Bi panic: What time is it??

*uwu noises*: 4:19?

Bi Panic: okay wait a minute

*uwu noises*: okya?

*totally not a furry*: huh?

*naruto running*: wtf is ling so red????

Big gay: what-

*uwu noises*: its 4:20  
Bi Panic: SO IM TRANS, HE/HIM PLS AND EDWARD INSTEAD OF EVEYLN

*uwu noises*: whAt

Bi panic: AND IM ALSO DATING LING, TIS BEEN LIKE 2 WEEKS NOW OKAY BYE

*totally not a furry*: FIRST OFF GET UR ASs BACK HERE

*totally not a furry*: second, ty for coming out!! So brave of u!

*naruto running*: YOUVE BEEN DATING LING FOR TWO WEEKS LING WTF HAVE I NOT HEARD ANYTHINg??? IS THIS WHY UR FACE IS REd

Gay Panic: UHHH-

Gay panic: yeah-

Big Gay: first off, ty! He/him and ed correct??

Bi panic: yep!

Big gay: second, YOU HAVE BEEN DATING LING, WE HAVE ALL BEEN HARDCORE SHIPPING U TWO FOR LIKE WHEN U GUYS FRIST MET

Bigger gay: I SECOND THAT WTF WHY DIDNT U TELL USsssssss

Bi panic: uh sorry?

Bi panic: It kinda happened when you guys left me and ling alone for like three hours at the hotel, i had a breakdown and stuff and he accidentally confessed Lmao

Gay panic: DONT ReMIND ME ThAT WAS SO EmBARrASSINg

Gay panic: well ed was really flustered, he also came out to me there too SO :3

Bi panic: HAYWDIUHD

*totally not a furry*: I think my brother stopped working

Direct messages @*uwu noises* to Bi panic  
1:00 a.m, wednesday

*uwu noises*: hey ed, i’d like to tell you something,

Bi panic: yeah sure, mei what is it???

*uwu noises*: so umh, im trans too,

Bi panic: OH! Ty for coming out to me! he/him too????

*uwu noises*: no no, 

Bi panic: what do y mean?

*uwu noises*: Im trans, a trans female, im luck i have a supportive brother and i find out i pass really well

Bi panic: oh! No wonder he was so okay with me being trans, he basically lives with one! But ty for coming out to me! Must have taken a lot of courage!

6+ Dumbasses  
2:30 p.m, wednesday

*uwu noises*: I'm about to strangle the bio teacher omfg

Bi panic: reason???

*uwu noises*: This bitch be transphobic AF

*totally not a furry*: i would say put ur phones away its fricken class time BUT WHAt

*uwu noises*: yeah she’s transphobic AF

*uwu noises*: she just said “male genitals means ur always a male, female genitals means ur always gonna be a female. Thats it”

*uwu noises*: I wanna deck her SO MUCH RN

Gay panic: let me join u sister

Big gay: hell yeah im in

Bigger gay: HELL YEAH COUNT ME IN

*totally not a furry*: I would say to just tell roy bc hes our dad and the fricken principal BUT LETS DESTROY HER >:3

Bi panic: Al, that was cursed af, But YES DEMOLISH HER

Big gay: @*naruto running* u in??

*naruto running*: yes, also please make sure to separate ling and ed, im pretty sure they are gonna like cuddle while we kill her

*naruto running*: also get off ur phones we in class

Bi panic: OKAY OKAY! Bye ling i love you

*naruto running*: TY HE GOT HIS PHONE TAKEN AWAY BC HE JUMPED WHEN U SAID THAT, NO OFF YOUR PHONES PEOPLE

THIS IS SO BAD IM SORRY ILL TRY TO HAVE A BETTER CHAPTER NEXT TIME :(


	3. chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> >:3

Ed: Bi Panic  
Ling: Gay Panic  
Al: *totally not a furry*  
Winry: big gay  
Painya: bigger Gay  
Lan Fan: *naruto running*  
May: *uwu noises*

6+ dumbasses

Bi Panic: HEYyyyyyyyyyyyyy question :3

*totally not a furry*: did you blow something up??

Bi panic: why do u always assume this???

*naruto running*: Ed, you’ve blow up a ton of shit, not to mention u ALMOST BLEW UP THE SCHOOL

Bi panic: OH YEAH, i ForGOt that :3

Bi panic: anywaysssssss

Bi panic: can i add riza and her gf to this chat???

*totally not a furry*: sure???

*naruto running*: hell yeah

Big gay: YES U CAN BUT FIRST CHANGE MY NICKNAMe PLeaSe

Bi panic changed Big gay’s nickname to Automail kink

Automail kink: AJIUWDOJAWDOJAWDIOJAD 

Automail kink: NOT WHAT I MEANT BUt OKay

Bi panic changed Bigger gay’s nickname to cursed pan

Cursed pan: I have no objections >:3c

Bi panic has added snip snipe and cold shoulder to 6+ dumbasses

Gay panic: heYYY babe, wtf?

Gay panic: who are these people???

*uwu noises*: scroll up dummy

Gay panic: OH

Bi panic: Im dating an idiot, smh

Gay panic: you ran into a door today

Bi panic: I WAS RUSHING TO CLasS OKAy

Snip snipe: Hello, i can assume ed has added me and olivier to your group chat??

Automail kink has changed Snip snipe’s nickname to Gun mom

Gun mom: I actually like this, thank you winry

Automail kink: HOW DID U KNOW IT WAS ME

Gun mom: winry, you’re the only one here who works with automail

*naruto running*: lmAo winry is face down on her desk

Gun mom: also, why are you guys texting in class??

Cold Shoulder: babe, do you think they CARE about these classes?? The only people who actually pay attention are al and may, and ed only pays attention to science.

Bi panic: how do u know this

Gay panic: smh, my bf is a science nerd

*uwu noises*: are we gonna ignore the fact the 1.ed hAS came out to olivier and riza and 2.Me and al are they only responsible ones here???  
Bi panic: oh yeah, i came out to them when i came out to u guys too

*totally not a furry*: also, why tf do u guys not pay attention to the classes????

Gay panic: IDK i just dont care for the subjects

*naruto running*: First off, ling, your and idiot ur failing science.

Bi panic: if u need help im here you know-

*naruto running*: second, Im passing each class with flying colors, im fine

Cursed pan: im paying attention to class!!!

Automail kink: thats bc u need to pay attention to fuCKinG mATH

Automail kink: o yeah im also failing stuff but who gives a fuck???

Cursed pan: SHES FAILING SCIENCE TOO

Automail kink: STFUu

Bi panic: you know what?? Ling and winry get ur asses to my dorm after school im teaching u this shit

*totally not a furry*: I would help but me and may have a project to finish

Gay panic: “a project”

*uwu noises*: ling i will stab you, we have a aRT project. THATS IT

Bi panic: this is so stressful to watch LmaO

Cold Shoulder: yeah, useless pinning *Message has been deleted*

Cold Shoulder: i should not say that, i said nothing

Bi panic has changed Cold Shoulder’s nickname to Cold mom

Cold mom: i resent this. No

Bi panic: LMAoooooo

Direct messages: @Gay panic and @*uwu noises*

*uwu noises*: UGHhhhhhhHHHHHHHH hEs SO CUtE

Gay panic: LMAO hows the project going

*uwu noises*: its going well, its just uhm

*uwu noises*: he fell asleep on my shoulder and i donT WANT to MOve

Gay panic: RIP 

*uwu noises*: hes SO CUTE SLEEPING OAWIDJADOAWDO

Direct messages: @Bi panic and @Gay panic

Gay panic: I GOTTA SEND U SOMETHIng

Bi panic: Hold up im changing ur name in our direct messages >:3

Bi panic has changes Gay panic’s nickname to adorable tall boi

Adorable tall boi: U HAVE NO IDEA HOW MUCH I LOVE U AYHUWIHDAWIDH

adorable tall boi changed Bi panic’s nickname to sweetest short boi

Sweetest short boi: idk how i feel abt this, i should feel mad.

Adorable tall boi: :(

Sweetest short boi: but i dont

Adorable tall boi: :D

Sweetest short boi: okay what did u want to tell me :O

Adorable tall boi:*shesandidiotright.jpg*  
(Image is supposed to be the messages with ling and may)

Sweetest short boi: OMFG HE LIKES HER TOO OMG JUST START DATING whaiudhjwoadjioawd

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ___________________________________
> 
> HEY author here!! imma do more of a al x may plot, and then a plot with the sins crew, *i MIGHT Do al x greed but im sticking with may x al for rn*  
> I also will do paninya x winry x lanfan or just gonna do lanfan x lust  
> I hope u enjoyed this terrible chat fic


End file.
